The Bro Next Door: An Erotic Life
Chad Swagger is your typical American male who enjoys wearing a polo shirt to the office even more so than getting drunk on the weekends with the guys. In his high school yearbook, he stated that his ambitions in life were to work for a large beer company and to become a “skilled lover” between the sheets. Half as charming as he thinks he is—and twice as desperate— Chad’s erotic sexual exploits tend to be awkward in the wake of his supreme thirst for love, desire, and admiration. Darkly funny and utterly offensive, The Bro Next Door is a twisted character study that exposes a rare side of the characteristic American Bro.
CorporateLand: Surviving Cubicle Warfare
Each year in America, new recruits enter Sector 9-5; all with the same mission of defending their homes in the suburbs, credit rating and a lifestyle de jure. Since one needs to keep his castle secure from being repossessed, you must first sign up for a soul crushing tour-of-duty in Corporate America. CorporateLand is the training facility where you will first learn the basics in how to: Survive the commuting road-warriors, avoid office landmines, live the high life, rank up within your company and ultimately, plan for your eventual EVAC.
Troy “Eight ball” McAvoy, a retired ‘big shot’—turned highly sought after consultant—will guide you through a series of protocols and training, all the way from nailing that first important interview to hanging up your suit & tie for good. Every year there are many casualties in the War for a Paycheque and being a veteran is no immunity from the new and harsher workplace policies and regulations that are hiding in the concrete jungle; willing to strike you down without mercy.
Your training awaits you.
Uncle Nick:Diary of a Misanthrope
Nick Tyrella is a cigar smoking, aviator wearing, liquor-loving perpetual punk.
A Thirty-Something bachelor residing around the sunsoaked shores of California, Nick has been fired numerous times from various jobs, along with being barred from attending: certain bars, family dinners, weddings, reunions, and parties. Having panache for public intoxication and running his mouth with uncensored abandon seems to be the catalyst for Nick’s string of offences.
Cavalier in his attitude towards people’s feelings about certain issues, Nick is relentlessly honest about matters pertaining to marriage, love, sex, the economy, and certain ‘elements’ of society. Being honest in Nick’s world tends to draw a lot of hostility since there are very few people like him.His family knows that you cannot take Uncle Nick anywhere as he is a walking megaphone of inflated ego and opinion. It’s the public, strangers, employers, and acquaintances of friends that have to deal with Nicks grandstanding and often lewd scathing editorials about life.
Burning the Midnight
Being a successful Thirty-Something bachelor, Nick Tyrella has come to experience the joys and freedoms of being marriage-free, child-free, and obligation limited. Nonetheless, being a misanthrope and a womanizer cursed with a High IQ, Mr. Tyrella tends to burn a lot of bridges in the wake of his Machiavellianism. With all of his friends retiring to suburbia and having scorched through most of the young women in his hometown, Nick decides to go back to school at Shillington College as a ‘mature’ student for the youthful parties, drugs, and of course the hot women. The one caveat though in Nick’s plan is that in order for him to stay enrolled he must maintain a standard GPA, and do the bare minimum to avoid academic probation.
Being very ritualistic when it comes to his essay writing, Nick will get belligerently drunk at bars and clubs to then come home and hammer out an assignment the night before it’s due. Stepping into his dormitory suite, with only the smoke from his cigar to fill the void in the air, Nick will hang modern society up on a hook and punch it into submission using his laptop. He is a scathing-sermonist, a master-debater, a titan of tirades, and an alliteration-abuser. The contemptuous blows and cutting critiques leave certain academic topics to the vultures with every stroke of his keyboard, and every bit of harsh reality that Nick shows through his prose. His essays have come to challenge Shillington’s standards, culture, tolerance level, and what it considers ‘critical thinking’, ‘open-mindedness’, and ‘free speech’ to be.
Life is Nick’s bibliography. Experience is his research. Booze is his fuel to burn the midnight and to see the dawn of his ‘academic’ creations.
These are his essays.
Pretty Lies Perish
Pretty Lies Perish is a collection of interconnected tales, testimonies and confessionals set across the American past, present and future that examine the human spirit under a florescent spotlight. The plight of each characters situation is relative to their current environment- from the offices in Wall Street, to the seedy strip clubs of Texas. Loneliness, fear, shame, greed and alienation are the emotional currencies that are passed under the table from the characters to the reader as they hand out their secrets, dreams, regrets and hopes all for a chance at respite and self-healing. In a world where everyone has a price, pretty lies will die.
The books theme is that of a nation in decline. All the characters have something in-common about their lives and situations. The social commentary and undertones in this book are immense. It is essentially a scathing editorial beneath the stories about how the current way of American or Western life is eroding away at itself. The country is essentially a dying patient on a medical bed, having its insides slowly being eaten by a disease. People have given up, lost hope and have become self-destructive in their habits. Everyone wants some sort of escape from the madness, the rat-race, the bullshit and the illusion.
Frank Cervi (born April 9th 1988) is a Canadian author from Sarnia, Ontario and publisher of the books Pretty Lies Perish and Uncle Nick:Diary of a Misanthrope. He is a self-proclaimed satirist whose trademark technique as a writer is the expression of bold statements and opinions in an affectless style. Most of his work borders on the sometimes dark and uncomfortable yet employs the technique of overlaying a story with social commentary.
Find me on Twitter @cervi_frank
Check out what is happening on my author website (www.frankcervi.com) with current or upcoming books.