All Units Respond Code 3: The Ultimate Police Department

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After the dust has settled from the apocalypse and Bauer, Katniss, Han, Walt and Dynamite have had their fun during their Mad Max scenario, society along with order will have to be restored. The initial doom has past and the remaining populace has cried out for some sort of Blue Line: a force to which can withstand and punish the roaming gangs, rapists, murderers and general scum that the collapse has fostered; a police force that which can wipe away clean the skid marks on the underpants of society.

*Recommended [que up Crockett’s Theme by Jan Hammer]

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Lt. John Maclean

Gender: Male
Age: 58
Personality: Tough as nails, Hard-boiled/red tape smasher
Weapon of Choice/gear: department issued Beretta 92FS
Preferred Method of Transportation: By foot, any vehicle except the departments
Last Stationed: NYPD

To be the ranking officer of a department we need a true leader; a man that could be considered half human, half machine, and a full-time hero. John Maclean is that man.

Tough as the steel in his badge, Maclean would rather jump off the Nakatomi plaza himself than to except defeat. Above all else, John is a loving husband and patriot to his country. The man oozes and bleeds the Red, White and Blue. This alone is probably one of his best traits since a man who fights for a belief is more likely to succeed than a man who fights for himself. In addition, Maclean is not your average “by the book” stooge. He is a real man of the law; which means he gets justice and results. Throwing Hans Gruber off the Nakatomi building not only stopped terrorism for one day in Los Angeles, it also saved the tax-payers a lot of money. This is the type of –shoot first, burn the paper work after- policing that will be needed during and after an initial apocalypse. Plus, there will be so many gangs and murderers out in the streets that there will simply be no place to put them all. Furthermore, having Maclean and the rest of this dream force baby-sitting jail cells all day would seem like an extreme mismanagement of resources; a veritable punch in the face to everyone’s qualifications.

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Det. Gino Felino

Gender: Male
Age: 39
Personality: Tough as nails, Hard-boiled/red tape smasher                                                                  Weapon of Choice/gear: His body, Ithaca 37 Shot-gun (boss weapon)                                                 Preferred Method of Transportation: By foot, Un-marked 1988 Chevrolet Caprice                             Stationed Last: NYPD Brooklyn division

Before the dawn of “community policing” and political/ethical correctness, there was Det. Gino Felino: breaker of legs.

His name may sound like an Italian pizza chain, but don’t let it fool you. Just give Gino an unmarked unit, a Ithaca 37 along with liberal abandonment of standard police policy and you get a cop not out for lunch; but out for justice. Gino goes after criminal scum by grabbing people and pushing them into things until they tell him what he wants to know. It doesn’t matter how many heavies are sent to slow him down, Gino just flicks back his oiled ponytail and shoves them until they’re unconscious or dead. Can you kill people by pushing them over? No you can’t. He can though, because he’s an aikido master, and the ground is apparently really hard. Felino is indeed another addition to the “one man army” types this department relishes in and will no doubt have any problem fitting in with the others around the water-cooler and gun cages.

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Sgt. John Spartan

Gender: Male
Age: 47
Personality: Tough as nails,Hard-boiled, red-tape smasher                                                                   Weapon of Choice/gear: Beretta 92FS Inox, Electrified Baton                                                              Preferred method of Travel: By foot                                                                                                        Stationed: San Angeles PD

Just like the society portrayed in Demolition Man, our modern society after zero-hour will need old-school tactics and measures to deal with the type of raw primitive crime that soft and “PC’d” societies have not been accustomed too for quite some time.

John Spartan: the infamous “Demolition Man” of the LAPD, a one man SWAT team with more brawn than brains. If a bunch of thugs decide to barricade themselves in an abandoned building and engage this department in a gun-fight, John Spartan would be the man I would send in (preferably by himself) to dispense swift and brutal justice. All the man would need is a direct COM link, a stylish barrette, and a duffle-bag full of tactical goodies to turn that structure into a criminal grave-yard. I have chosen John Spartan to head the SWAT/ERT division for this fantasy department, and he will be taking two more qualified members under his wing as you will see in the next two profiles.

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Chris Sanchez

Gender: Female
Age: 26
Personality: Tough as nails, Team-player, Loyal                                                                                     Weapon of Choice/gear: (Primary) –H&K MP5 A2 9mm, (Secondary)- H&K USP Tact .45 cal, Full tact load out                                                                                                                                                  Preferred Method of Transportation: TK-4 Tactical AV                                                                        Stationed: S.W.A.T Los Angeles

When looking at Chris Sanchez you don’t just see a sexy single mom, but also F*ing bad-ass chick and first-class policewomen that brings a unique dynamic to the force. In the film S.W.A.T, Hondo (Samuel L. Jackson) chose Sanchez as his fifth and final candidate for his team. She was also the first women to ever be chosen for SWAT in Los Angeles. She is a tough and no-nonsense team player to which has great potential; she can also turn scum-bags into Swiss cheese with that  MP5 A2, and that’s critical. Sanchez would no doubt be able to handle herself in and out of the precinct, and especially around this testosterone fueled bunch so far.  With John Spartan to guide her, I am sure she would become a full fledged tactical juggernaught in no time.

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Edward Tucker Lane

Gender: Male
Age: 45
Personality: Tough as nails, Team-player, Loyal, workaholic                                                                Weapon of Choice/gear: (Primary) Remington 700PSS or M4A1, (Secondary)- Glock 17, Full tact load out
Preferred Method of Transportation: TK-4 Tactical AV
Last Stationed: SRU Toronto

If anyone is going to be giving “Scorpio” commands over the tact channel, it’s going to be Ed. Give this man a Remington 700PSS, and he will have a “solution” for you. Lane is a tactical leader in the field and a veteran officer. He is also a crisis negotiator which will in no doubt come in handy when you’re world is in crisis mode 24/7. Though he has been trained to use lethal force, Ed is constantly troubled with the fact that he sometimes needs to use it to save the lives of others. He has some problems with his wife of fifteen years, Sophie, and son Clark due to the nature of his job, and the fact that he is strongly attached to his SRU colleagues. For example, he once deliberately missed the anniversary of his in-laws for work. Perfect. That is the type of dedication to the job this department needs. And with society in full chaos there will be no time to attend fancy dinner parties with the in-laws whilst flapping the gums aimlessly about who won American Idol the night before.

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Det Sgt. Martin Riggs

Gender: Male
Age: 47
Personality: Tough as nails, Hard-boiled, red tape smasher, borderline suicidal                                 Weapon of Choice/gear: Beretta 92F                                                                                                   Preferred Method of Transportation: By foot, un-marked police unit                                                   Stationed: LAPD

Every department needs a loose-cannon, and Martin Riggs is for every department. Given his incredible background, Martin Riggs is, simply put, a lethal weapon. Martin Riggs served in Vietnam in ’69. He was a member of a subdivision of the Special Forces, named the Phoenix Project, who served as a band of assassins. He’s an expert in both armed and unarmed combat. When in shape, he can defeat the best of them using his feet and hands only. He’s also a frighteningly good crack-shot; he’s said to be among the eight best gunmen in the world.

At first, Riggs was suicidal and had a death-wish. Finding new reasons to live he gradually lost his depression and even became a happy man later on. He’s prone to very spontaneous behavior. He’s also a smoker and drinker and considers work very important. Work allows him to release his frustration and he occasionally gets carried away too much and becomes too involved with work (basically blowing away anyone that stands in his way, if that happens). Being a very physical type of guy, he will actually run after cars instead of taking a car from someone; if forced to he’ll eventually acquire a vehicle, using his badge. He is the type of cop that would fire shots into a crowded intersection just to catch a thief from robbing $7 out of your grandma’s purse. Overall, his unpredictable behavior and fearlessness of death alone will sure come in handy while taking on the criminal underground.

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Insp. Harry Callahan

Gender: Male
Age: 47
Personality: Loner cop, Hard-boiled, Skilled lover, red tape smasher/anti-establishment                    Weapon of Choice/gear: .44   Magnum                                                                                                Preferred Method of Transportation: By foot, un-marked                                                                       Stationed: SFPD

Inspector Harry Callahan does not care much in the way of due process or legal niceties; he generally just wants to blow the bad guys away with his .44 Magnum.  He asks questions only if they survive the shootout, and are lying in a puddle of blood. The anti-establishment, unconventional loner cop, frustrated by rules, process and prone to extreme violence is essentially the main modus operandi of this dream police force if you have seen the pattern already.

To a man thus frustrated, the only apparent avenue of release that remains is violence. And for Harry Callahan, violence means firing a gun. Take the bank robbery scene in Dirty Harry for example. Calmly enjoying a lunch of hotdogs, Harry hears some commotion behind him. After leaping out of his seat and running into the street, Harry unsheathes his weapon and fires, killing a few of thieves and critically wounding another. Harry then walks directly up to the wounded man, points the legendary Magnum in his face, and spouts his famous line about the prowess of his sidearm. To sum it up, the man simply has balls, and a .44 piece to match them.

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Agt. Elliot Ness

Gender: Male
Age: 33
Personality: White-Knight, Loyal, pro-establishment                                                                             Weapon of Choice/gear:  M1911 A1, Winchester Model   1912/1897                                                Preferred Method of Transportation: By horse, foot, car                                                                        Stationed: Chicago’s Bureau of Prohibition

How epic would it be to see this man driving a truck straight into your illegal business with a Winchester Model 1912 in hand and a full team of agents- Mind you all while wearing a tweed suit, vest and fedora? It would be seriously awesome, and  classy as shit. This department needs a touch of class for sure, and Elliot Ness is such a man. A family man, do-gooder and ultimate White Knight, Ness would add some balance to the group. More importantly, there will be an extreme amount of black-market/underground fronts materializing out of the chaos, and I can’t think of a better person to sniff out that crap than Mr. Ness. Coincidentally, Elliot and John Maclean have something in common: they both like throwing a**holes off of large structures and leaving a mess/job for the coroners. It’s a win-win for the whole institution.

Furthermore, Eliot Ness was a lifelong law enforcement officer and civil servant, and former treasury-department agent. While assigned to Chicago in the early 1930s, Ness and a small band of dedicated, incorruptible fellow agents were nicknamed “The Untouchables” by the press because of the fact that they could be neither bought off nor scared off and were instrumental in crushing the criminal empire of notorious gangland chieftan Al Capone. If the real Elliot Ness were alive today I would hire him into the department immediately, however, I will settle for Costner’s portrayal and characterization of him.

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Det. Olivia Benson

Gender: Female
Age: 40
Personality:  Loyal, pro-establishment, heart of gold                                                                           Weapon of Choice/gear: Glock 19,  SIG Sauer P228                                                                             Preferred Method of Transportation: Un-marked Crown Victoria Interceptor                                       Stationed: 16th Precinct NYPD “Special Victims Unit”

Olivia will be pulling double duty while working in this department. She will not only be dealing with the people who have been victimized by the gangs and criminals in the streets, but also the people who will in no doubt be victimized/caught up in the collateral damage caused by this über police department. Benson will undoubtedly develop a workplace hatred for the likes of Maclean, Callahan, Spartan, Riggs and especially Felino. With that said, Benson will be the department’s acting public relations (PR) representative, as well as carrying out her regular duties. Benson also speaks some Spanish, Italian, Russian, and French and is able to read the Miranda rights in two or three other languages which are a huge asset.

While a dedicated officer, Olivia is more likely to go to bat for women she deals with during cases than men, and has shown skepticism during cases where women are the offenders and men are the victim, or allows her sympathy of the victim to cloud her judgement and make her commit actions without thinking. Such as in the SVU episode ‘Justice denied’ where she interrogated a man until he confessed to a crime which he was later found to be innocent of and sending him to prison for life, which could have been avoided if she was thinking clearly enough to check on the evidence. If she is going to be a part of this epic police department she will have to leave her bias at the door, and police based on the facts.

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Insp. Nash Bridges

Gender: Male
Age: 40
Personality:  Loyal, pro-establishment, amateur magician, trend-setter                                             Weapon of Choice/gear: Model 1911 , .38 Super                                                                                Preferred Method of Transportation: A Yellow 1971 Hemi Cuda convertible                                      Stationed: SFPD elite “Special Investigations Department”

Keeping up with the addition of Elliot Ness and giving the department some flare, Bridges will be that d*ck at the office as well as out in the field. As a criminal, getting run over by a very fine automobile such as the 71’ Hemi Cuda would be an insult to injury. In addition, Nash has no shortage of witty put-downs to chew your ear off with as he brings your ass to jail.

Nash is a seasoned police Inspector in his 40s, with a lifelong devotion to the SFPD. He’s got a photographic memory and a tendency to call everyone “Bubba” or “Sister.” His personal life isn’t as balanced as his professional one, starting with his two divorces and a strained relationship with both his aged father and a feisty daughter. He is also an amateur magician with a talent for handcuff tricks. Nash will head the special investigations along with Benson to form the ultimate investigatory department. The two will probably take separate vehicles since I am sure Benson won’t like to be called sister ever 5 minutes.

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Robocop

Gender: Male/cyborg
Age: N/A
Personality (programmable):  Loyal, pro-establishment                                                                       Weapon of Choice/gear: Auto 9 Handgun                                                                                               Preferred Method of Transportation: Motor bike                                                                                    Stationed: Detroit Police Department

In order to supplement a police force that will be overwhelmed with crime, we need something that will overwhelm the criminals.

RoboCop’s body, while incorporating portions of Alex Murphy’s living tissue, is largely electronic and mechanical. This interior structure is sheltered by an armored shell composed of titanium laminated with Kevlar making RoboCop incredibly resilient against bombs and bullets, as well as extreme impacts such as being hit by cars and falling off skyscrapers. As demonstrated in RoboCop, the body armor can sustain thousands of armor-piercing rounds before damage begins to appear on the armor itself. It is also highly resistant to heat.

Essentially, if the rest of this department wanted to go code 7 for a hotdog or coffee break, Robocop can do the work of an entire ERT/SWAT unit.

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